the dream

For those who may not know, my husband, Cyrus passed on suddenly six months ago. He was 59.

A few nights ago I had an interesting dream. Cyrus was in the dream with the children, Roya and Dara.  We were traveling. We were exploring a city and we were down by the docks. It was empty but then suddenly a lot of people were coming off a ferry.  It was too busy so we were exploring a new "better” route.

Somehow Cyrus sent me by myself in a car to continue to explore up into the city and come back. I was investigating but the road became a freeway on ramp with only a small way to go that was not freeway. I took the small road but almost everything let to on ramps that I did not want to take. I knew that the highway would take me far away from what I wanted. But I got lost on the streets. They would not take me back to Cyrus.

 I stopped. Two women were there so I asked directions. The one woman gave me an amazing handmade map. I looked at it and said, “Wow! This is a wonderful map.” She said, “This is what I do.  I make maps.”

As I held the map it got bigger and better so I knelt down and put it on the ground to study it. I was putting pieces of it together like a lovely puzzle. I was kneeling down by my bag to studying the map and Cyrus’ voice came from the bag (like a cell phone that was on) and said with impatience, "Where are you! Where is my hat!  Where did you put my hat!  I need my hat."  I quietly said so he couldn't hear, "I gave your hats to Dara because you don't need them anymore." Then I woke up because I realized that he didn't need hats.

I usually don't read that much into dreams but this one seemed to have meaning for me. Interesting that, in the dream, Cyrus sent me off to explore on my own.  Is this my version of HIS passing on?  He sent me off to work things out on my own.

The freeway on ramps kept wanting to take me in the way everyone else was going.  I did NOT want to go that way!  Also I was unwilling to go in a way that I thought would not lead me back to Cyrus. But I stopped the stress of trying to avoid the highway because I felt lost. I was willing to ask for directions.

In thinking about my dream I think the most important part was when I asked directions of the woman and she gave me a handmade map. It was amazing. When I told her that this is a wonderful map, she said, "That is what I do.  I make maps."

This part meant to me...  If you ask God for directions she gives you a wonderful map because that is what she does.... guide us. It was very matter of fact. Like saying, “This is the way it is, I am always making maps for people. All they have to do is ask.” It really was an incredible map.  That is why I had put it down on the ground and was studying it carefully.  I guess that is another good part of the dream.... I was studying the map.

I am not sure about Cyrus wanting his hat. That stopped me from studying the map.  I think the point was to not get distracted by things that no longer matter.

I think it was a useful dream.