broken heart

 What Do I Do With This Broken Human Heart?

By Kit Kurtz  8-29-2014

What do I do with this human heart?

     It               is             broken.

One day he walked into a hospital

on the other side of this sphere we call Earth.

I was not with him.

At the end of the day

The morsel of cake he was eating

The sip of juice he drank

The doctor’s best efforts

And all the machines

that building had

Could not

make him stay

in Earths gravity

and he floated off

without me.

He was my best friend.

He was my husband.

He was my life partner

But now that promise,

along with others made,

is broken.

Now,

What do I do with this broken heart?

I tried to bury it.

Deep

 in a place where I thought

I couldn’t find it again,

And live free from pain or hurt.

But my heart is not dead,

And it won’t stay buried

like a dead thing should.

It is just a broken human heart.

I tried to mend it.

I am good at mending.

Human stitches for a human heart.

First forgiving.

To polish away

The patina of old hurts

And wipe clean the newly discovered mud.

Next releasing.

Wondering and watching,

while sitting still on a paddle board,

Why does the thing I just dropped,

in the ocean by my side,

Float away from me.

I wanted it by me.

No.

It must go on its own path.

He and I are on our own journeys.

This is not new news,

just the intertwining

is now released

And the currents take us separately.

Then acceptance.

Neither of us is distant from God.

Neither of us has less

Of joy

Or love

Or even life.

So what do I do with this human heart

That hides in dark corners

To grab at my ankles

As I walk past,

Full of the purpose

of a new life,

And tries to trip up

my progress.

Crying to me,

“You can’t go on so fast.

Can’t you see?

I hide here broken.

You MUST care for me.

You must be governed by me.

You can’t be whole when I am broken.”

I stumble.

I look and think

That I am no longer whole.

I tell myself that it is OK to cry.

I have the right to be sad.

And that is surely true

if a human heart

governed me.

But angels still sing

behind my eyes

And in my heart

is joy.

Why?

I remember who I am.

Nothing I have done,

Nothing I have experienced,

has ever been

Separate from

Love,

God.

The expression of life

That seemed to be a flow of human years,

Traveling together with him

To see the beauty

This earth has to offer,

Making a family

To share all we had,

Growing better at

being, and listening and loving.

All this,

Was the expression of God’s being.

Love always guided,

And kept us like a pearl,

The irritating human grain of sand

Gaining layer after layer

of beautiful caring

Showing us

the impossibility

of irritation, anger, misunderstanding.

All that happened was God

Being just God

The peaceful walks

Along the lake

Through the city

Under the holy dome

Up the mountain slope

Showed the wonders of Soul.

The urgent discussions

With quick wit

Nurturing new ideas

Discarding paradigms

like worn out cloths

Indicated only that Mind

was there to inspire.

The joy of growth,

A daughter,

A son,

Bringing unthought blessing,

And laughter at things

 that were never before funny,

Proved Life to be the master creator.

The frustration,

The fight to find what was

honest, sane, or real,

Forced Spirit to be our guide,

And loose hold on

The world’s easy solutions.

Compelling us to

Turn our back on

The partial good or evil

The world eagerly offers

And reach for the crystal clear

truth of Principle.

So what do I do with this broken human heart?

Nothing.

My heart is not human.

It is part of the whole of Love

I listen and know

That Christ comes,

Always,

“To heal the brokenhearted.”

I go with a whole heart.